counting sheep

if words are the gun, then Im pulling the trigger. i would gladly end this misery but i'm just a quitter. i warmly welcome my impending death cuz im tired of surprises. i want what i expect i'm so sick of improvising. i went and bought some rope and tried to tie the noose. but my made in china rope just slipped right loose. i can't even kill myself in this mother fucking place. life would be so much better if i was just erased. when will we grow tired of having to feint a smile. when will we realize that we are out of style. my wasteful ways no longer belong. i can write these words but not right my wrongs. i want to wake up from the american dream. left to toss and turn, it's not as nice as it once seemed. i shuffle my feet through these sleepy times. they turn the lights down so we can't see their lies. i patiently wait for it to end one day. but i still fear that the path i chose is one-way. i'll never find comfort in what i decide. i wonder why the truth is only implied. if this is what it takes, then i'll be frank. the way we live our lives pulls the wool over our eyes. and what's more, the final truth: death is coming for you.