scar i bear

"if the eyes are windows to the soul, then grief is the door to mine." at times i feel it sinking in, but all i can ever think is what may have been. without you. i wish i could reconsider my path but its all too late. i've come to terms with the fact that i will never escape my old mistakes. it wasn't just my body you raped, the real pain you inflicted doesn't even show a scrape. but the scar i bear will always last. and forever i'll be as fragile as glass. as worthless as a penny thrown in a well. a slit of my wrists seems a reasonable buy and living life a real tough sell. cuz at this point, my life isn't mine anymore. my only purpose is to raise these boys that i adore. but ultimately resent. cuz it's you i see in their eyes, reliving all the nights i was discontent. insomnia from the fear of you greeting me with your fists, when all i wanted was your lips. my so-called life revolves around regret. your abuse looms over me like a silhouette.